


Bluebirds Forever (let's colour the sky)

by Mimoaning (eternalhiraeth)



Series: Paper Rings [2]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: 3mix being good unnies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff, chaeyoung being clueless dramatic and gay, saida having like a line each and mimo not having any rip, tzuyu being the love of my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21638077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternalhiraeth/pseuds/Mimoaning
Summary: A year after their first kiss, Chaeyoung can't stand it anymore.
Relationships: Chou Tzuyu/Son Chaeyoung
Series: Paper Rings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559731
Comments: 6
Kudos: 130





	Bluebirds Forever (let's colour the sky)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is a sequel to my first Chaeyu fic, [To Feel My Heart Against Yours](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18309734). It's only 2k words long so I would suggest reading it before this one, but if you don't, I think you'll understand just fine. 
> 
> Fun fact: this fic has been written for months, I just... didn't edit it until now? Lol, I promise I'll be more organized in the future. It was really fun to write, though, so I hope you like it!
> 
> (Title from Marina's Handmade Heaven)

**_October 18 th, 2016_**

Chaeyoung’s been staring at the door of Nayeon’s room for five minutes already. In that time, she’s set her fully packed suitcase against a wall, blown her nose twice, and forced herself to stop crying. She can’t keep stalling. There’s no other way out.

After taking a shaky breath, she knocks on the door.

_Ten Months Ago_

At first, Chaeyoung doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Sure, Sana’s squeals are ear-piercing, and the light filtering through the blinds she’s violently shoving back up hurts her eyes when she blinks them open, but the bed is still warm, and Tzuyu’s hair smells like chocolate and mint, and her arm is wrapped around her waist, and…

_Fuck._

She bolts upright as if struck by lightning, and where Sana’s voice failed to wake Tzuyu, her sudden movement succeeds. There’s no time to feel guilty about that, mind stuck on the fact that Sana just walked in on them. Sleeping in the same bed. Snuggling and everything.

Dahyun is in the room too, she notices, leaning against the door frame and uncharacteristically quiet, mouth set on a hard line.

“Wh- what time is it?” Chaeyoung babbles, voice rough with sleep.

“Eleven o’clock,” Sana answers in a cheerful tone, clapping her hands together. “And you two have a photoshoot in three hours. Nayeon, Jeongyeon and Jihyo had a morning schedule, which makes _me_ the responsible unnie in charge of scolding oversleeping maknaes.”

“What about Momo?” Chaeyoung asks, trying to buy time while she snatches her phone and tries to turn on the screen. Dead, just as she suspected.

“She overslept too,” there’s a smile in Dahyun’s voice that doesn’t reach her eyes when Chaeyoung looks up at her.

Tzuyu gets up, yawns and stretches her arms.

“I’m sorry, Unnie,” she tells Sana. “I think we stayed up talking a little too late.”

Sana pouts.

“At least let me know the next time you guys have a sleepover,” she mumbles, already disappearing down the hallway and closely followed by Tzuyu, change of clothes in hand.

Chaeyoung’s still sitting on the bed, feeling progressively dumber with each passing second. What was her heart on about, beating so fast? Maybe she and Tzuyu did kiss a few weeks ago, but that was just as a favor, a tender moment in their friendship that they would look back on with fondness and nothing more. So what if they’ve been sharing a bed every night since? Nayeon is right, one of these days she’s gonna fry her own brain.

Relief washes over her as she sets her bare feet on the ground and heads towards the bathroom, where she knows Tzuyu is waiting so they can brush their teeth together. The feeling goes away when she walks past Dahyun and her scrutinizing, unsmiling eyes.

_Six Months Ago_

It’s Son Chaeyoung’s birthday and she hates Chou Tzuyu.

Well, neither of those statements is true. It _was_ her birthday, up until about two hours ago. And she doesn’t hate Tzuyu, not really. She could never. She’s just really fucking angry at her.

It was a good birthday, despite the hectic schedule that comes with the preparations for their first comeback, coming out tomorrow. The girls surprised her with a strawberry cake just before they went to bed, which meant a good half an hour of Jihyo pinching her cheeks, Jeongyeon’s teasing remarks about how the years pass yet Chaeyoung’s height stays the same; and of course, what is starting to become a well-respected tradition within the group, the birthday kisses.

Within five minutes, her cheeks and forehead were covered in seven different shades of lipstick, not that any of the girls bothered to count them. Except Chaeyoung.

She’d been mentally preparing herself to remember her reaction to the other kisses so that she could replicate it when it was Tzuyu’s turn, but her efforts proved unnecessary. No kisses from the maknae this year.

Which is _fine,_ really. Yeah, Tzuyu had kissed the other girls’ cheeks when their birthdays came around, so she probably just didn’t realize they were doing it this time. (Impossible, Chaeyoung knows. Tzuyu stared at every member as they kissed her, making as much eye contact as possible, and didn’t participate.)

That’s not why Chaeyoung (not really, not ever, under any circumstance) hates her, though.

The celebrations were over pretty soon after that, given that they’ll have to wake up at unspeakable hours of the morning before the new album drops. Chaeyoung and Tzuyu brushed their teeth in silence, the former adamantly avoiding the eyes of the latter in the mirror. When Chaeyoung was done rinsing her mouth she headed straight to their bedroom, not waiting for Tzuyu to finish.

She was already in bed, covers drawn up to her chin, when Tzuyu walked in and closed the door behind her. Chaeyoung wasn’t asleep, and she didn’t pretend to be as Tzuyu knelt down beside her bed and rested her head on her pillow.

“I didn’t get to give you your birthday kiss, Chaeyoung-ie.”

Chaeyoung shrugged. There was enough moonlight coming from the window for her to be able to see Tzuyu frown.

“I didn’t think you wanted to. You didn’t try to.”

The girl’s eyebrows rose up, amused by her response.

“What, in front of all the others?” she asked, incredulous.

Chaeyoung was very confused at this point, but at least she knew what to say next.

“Well, the others aren’t here now, are they.”

Out of all the things Chaeyoung expected Tzuyu to do then, (which, to be honest, were very few) her flashing a tiny smile and leaning down to kiss her full on the mouth was, most definitely, not one of them.

That didn’t stop it from happening though. It didn’t stop Chaeyoung from kissing back.

It only lasted a few seconds, slightly more daring than their first one, but Chaeyoung’s head was spinning when they broke apart anyway. Tzuyu squeezed her shoulder, muttered a “Happy birthday, Chaeyoung-ie” and climbed up to her own bed.

Chaeyoung lay still for a few minutes, staring wide-eyed at the opposite side of the room and keeping an ear perked up in case she heard Tzuyu’s fidgeting. Judging by her breathing, she fell asleep moments later.

Only then did Chaeyoung dare to move, sitting up and reaching for her phone. Her heart was pounding, her lips still tingled under the ghost of Tzuyu’s. She tapped the screen furiously, punching words into Naver’s search bar and then into Youtube’s. 

She doesn’t know at which point tears started streaming down her face, but they most certainly are when she covers her mouth in a silent sob and feels her stomach churn at the words being thrown around on the screen.

_Sinful, disgusting, repulsive, an abomination…_

Maybe it’s not Tzuyu she hates.

_Four Months Ago_

If Chaeyoung’s life was a mountain she was attempting to climb, Tzuyu’s birthday could be considered two different things. A rock, maybe, that she trips on, and that sends her rolling downhill with nothing to catch her other than tree branches that slice her skin and pebbles that bruise her flesh.

Alternatively, Tzuyu’s birthday might also be… an elevator. An elevator that was buried in the snow but now that she’s found it she can just press a button and get to the top.

She should probably work on her analogies.

Anyway, they celebrate the occasion like they usually do: a fun night in the dorm’s living room, watching cheesy movies and eating cakes so caloric their managers would faint. But there are no managers around, and that’s probably why the _un_ usual happens.

It’s at that point during the night when the party has reached its peak and she can tell it’s about to die down, but she’s riding the high for as long as she can. That’s when Nayeon gets up from her spot between Tzuyu and Sana and disappears into her room with a wild grin, yelling something about a birthday present.

Jeongyeon and Jihyo share an alarmed look and Chaeyoung can’t help but laugh as she turns around to see Nayeon coming back, a bottle clutched between her fingers.

“So,” she says as she puts her bunny teeth to good use and uncorks the bottle. “I thought that since the maknaes are almost adults now, we could maybe give them their first taste of booze…”

Jihyo and Jeongyeon interrupt in indignant unison, “I don’t think so.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nayeon’s already pouring the liquid into three different glasses. “I knew you’d say that, but think about it: they’re gonna try it eventually, right? Wouldn’t you rather they do it here, in the comfort and safety of their own home, under our adult supervision?”

She hands both Tzuyu and Chaeyoung a glass before the faulty logic of her words can sink in. Dahyun reaches for the last drink but gets her hand swatted away.

“I thought you said ‘the maknaes’…”

Nayeon gulps down the contents of her glass, prompting Jihyo to groan, Jeongyeon to mutter a tired “Nayeon, you’re a lightweight…” and Dahyun to start defending her rights as a maknae.

Chaeyoung looks at Tzuyu, sitting opposite to her and displaying an unsure look on her face. Chaeyoung sends a cheesy wink at her, raises her glass in a silent toast and drinks. Tzuyu follows shortly after.

The room is soon filled with the noise of four girls arguing and the Japanese members’ laughter, but all Chaeyoung can focus on is the pink spreading on Tzuyu’s cheeks.

◊◊◊

Dahyun wins the argument, but by the time she finally gets to drink the bottle is already half empty and Chaeyoung and Tzuyu are a couple glasses too drunk.

It feels kinda good. Chaeyoung’s had beer before, but she didn’t really like it, and didn’t drink enough of it to feel the way she does right now. She’s hot, and everything seems so much funnier that it was just an hour ago. When they notice Nayeon passed out on the floor, her head on Jeongyeon’s lap, Tzuyu leans against her and they laugh so hard she’s sure that if she were to lift her shirt, she’d find rock hard abs.

It’s not until the snoring starts that the others join in, and soon enough Jihyo and Jeongyeon are carefully trying to carry Nayeon to bed while the others recover from their fit of giggles. Sana is sitting on the edge of the sofa, arms wrapped around her legs and a lazy smile on her face. Momo’s blinking so slowly it looks like she’s falling asleep and waking up on a loop, and Mina’s blank gaze is fixed on a random spot on the floor, brain clearly checking out already.

Dahyun is vigorously drumming her hands on her thighs, though.

Their leader comes back, looking slightly winded, and starts nudging the girls in the direction of their rooms, wordlessly ending the party. Chaeyoung grabs Tzuyu’s hand and they oblige, but she knows she won’t be sleeping any time soon, smile plastered on her face and feet bouncing every step of the way.

Once the bedroom door’s shut behind them and the light’s been flicked off, Chaeyoung tries to reach her bed as quietly as possible. “Tries” being the key word here, as she trips on a chair she swears has just materialized out of thin air. She falls on her ass, and she can hear Tzuyu rushing to her side.

“Are you,” she tries, but can’t help a snort. “Are you okay?”

Chaeyoung cracks up, grabbing Tzuyu’s hands as they both slide down until they’re lying on the floor, holding their stomachs and trying to keep the sound of their laughter to a minimum. Eventually, the hilarity of the situation dies down. The ground has never been a comfortable place to lie down on, but it feels like all their energy has been sucked out of them, so they don’t get up, don’t move, really, other than to play with each other’s hands.

Chaeyoung’s eyes are starting to drift shut when Tzuyu sits up with a gasp.

“Oh, no. Chaeyoung-ie,” she calls, shaking her by the shoulder.

“What is it,” says Chaeyoung as she begrudgingly rises from the cold, hard floor.

Tzuyu looks at her with dread-filled eyes.

“I didn’t get my birthday kisses.”

Chaeyoung’s brain is trying to warn her about something, but she can’t hear it over the alcohol. She furrows her brow in sympathy.

“Well, that’s not right,” she says, hands coming up to cup Tzuyu’s face. “Lemme fix that.”

She means to kiss her on the cheek. Or at least that’s what she _thinks_ she means, because Tzuyu is closing her eyes and parting her lips and suddenly Chaeyoung’s heart is attempting to beat out of her chest. She hesitates for a second, gaze trailing up and down Tzuyu’s face, and she really really really shouldn’t…

It doesn’t matter if she should or not, because her mouth presses against Tzuyu’s anyways, and _wow_ , this kiss is nothing like the others. If the alcohol already had her feeling a little too hot for comfort, now there are flames licking the skin of every place where their bodies are touching (which are a lot, when Chaeyoung half-climbs on to Tzuyu’s lap).

She can taste the faint remains of booze in her mouth but she can barely pay any attention to that, too consumed in her efforts to keep her hands still. Disobedient, they tangle in Tzuyu’s hair and trail down to her shoulders, going up to cup her jaw and then back down to slide over the soft, perfumed skin of her neck. Tzuyu doesn’t seem to be faring much better: her own hands go down to hold Chaeyoung by the waist, slipping underneath her cotton shirt and splaying themselves against her bare back. It’s summer, they’re not wearing that many clothes, but still they feel suffocating, and Chaeyoung can’t get rid of the desperate need to take them off, to dress herself only with the feeling of being around Tzuyu.

Chaeyoung wraps her arms around her neck, pulling them closer together, and it’s ridiculous how it’s still somehow _not enough._ Tzuyu’s hands have traveled up to her bra, ignoring it completely in favor of caressing the skin beneath it. Chaeyoung can’t help but gasp and arch her back, her whole body in contact with Tzuyu’s now, and that must be what throws them off balance because suddenly they’re tumbling down, Tzuyu’s back crashing against the wall they share with the big room.

The ruckus seems to break whatever spell they were under. Chaeyoung pulls away, quickly confirms that neither of them are injured and looks up at Tzuyu. Her cheeks, which were already a bit flushed from the alcohol, now look like they’re on fire. Her lips, which she knew were only covered with gloss until a few moments ago, are bright red and swollen. And her hair… well, let’s just say Pantene wouldn’t be offering her a modeling deal right now.

It’s the eyes, though, that terrify her. There’s no fear in them, or even regret. They’re glazed over. Unfocused. Meeting hers, for sure, but not really seeing Chaeyoung.

She stands up, immediately sending her surroundings swimming around her, but there’s no time to regain her balance. She hears movement in the adjacent room and she curses her slowed reflexes as she tries to help Tzuyu up, runs across the room, and throws herself on the bed, still fully clothed. She feels Tzuyu climbing up to her own bed in the dark, and absurdly hopes that she doesn’t trip. As if Chou Tzuyu ever would.

Just as she’s finished covering herself with a blanket, the door inches open, letting in the faintest glow of the hallway’s lighting. Her eyes are clenched shut, but it’s easy to recognize Jihyo’s voice when she asks “Girls? Are you okay?”

After a few seconds of silence, the door creaks closed and the room goes dark again. Chaeyoung hears Tzuyu tossing and turning until sleep finally takes her, but she doesn’t call her name.

◊◊◊

The next morning, she knows without even opening her eyes that Tzuyu isn’t in the room. When her headache grants her a moment of relief so she can lift her head, she finds two glasses of water (one of them empty, further supporting the accuracy of her “Tzuyu senses”), an aspirin, and a note signed by Nayeon sitting on her nightstand.

She reads it as she very carefully downs the pill.

_“Proud of my maknaes. Jihyo also says I should apologize, so, I’m sorry._

_P.S: if you’re thinking something like ‘I’m never drinking again’, we’ve all been there, you’re playing yourselves.”_

Chaeyoung lies back down and hides under the covers.

It feels like her birthday all over again. She got over the initial panic pretty fast. So what if she liked girls? She’s watched TV shows about girls who like other girls. A few questionable yuri animes when she was like thirteen. Hell, even some kids’ cartoons were starting to portray them in a positive light!

Problem is, of course, that she doesn’t like girls. She likes Chou Tzuyu.

And Chou Tzuyu, as innumerable nights of swooning over male leads in dramas and raising-her-brows-in-approval-every-time-Nayeon-shows-them-a-guy-she-finds-attractive can prove, is painfully, unequivocally straight.

◊◊◊

Tzuyu doesn’t act any differently around her after that night… for the most part. For example, she appears to have made a habit out of pecking Chaeyoung’s lips as a goodnight kiss. As frozen as Chaeyoung was the first few times this happened, now she’s come to look forward to them, sometimes even leaning in first. It never goes further than that, and Chaeyoung isn’t sure whether she’s supposed to feel relieved or disappointed.

They still sleep in the same bed every now and then. There’s a lot more of talking involved now, though. Not about this strange turn in their relationship, but rather anything else under the sun. Chaeyoung already thought of Tzuyu as her best friend, but in the last few weeks she’s learned things about her that she never would have imagined. She keeps each piece of information carefully stored in her mind, not for any particular use, but just because keeping Tzuyu’s secrets makes her feel special. Other times, there’s no talking besides the occasional complaint of tiredness or the useless pandering of how much more comfortable they would be in a double bed. It’s only half-hearted, though, at least on Chaeyoung’s part. She kind of likes the whole knot-of-limbs deal.

All lovely improvements it would seem, but Chaeyoung just _cannot_ get over Tzuyu’s heterosexuality. She can forget about it sometimes; pretend that Tzuyu also has a special place in her mind reserved only for her, and her secrets and quirks and mannerisms and speech patterns and-

But most of the time, she’s less at peace. There’s a disgusting beast that claws up her throat and fills her mind with resentment. She lies next to Tzuyu at night, watches the sleeping girl’s face, looking innocent as ever, and she can’t help but think:

_Why are you doing this to me?_

_Do you even know what you’re doing? Do you care?_

_Is this a game?_

That’s when she shakes her head, bites her lip to stop it from trembling, and fruitlessly closes her eyes.

◊◊◊

“Who is it?” Jeongyeon asks her one morning, when all the other girls are out on some schedule or another.

Chaeyoung frowns at her over the rim of her glass of orange juice.

“What are you talking about?”

“Who do you like? I know it’s probably one of us.”

Chaeyoung misses the piece of toast in her mouth and accidentally bites her tongue.

Between the shock, the panic and the pain, all she can manage is a weak and unconvincing “What?”

Jeongyeon, still in her pajamas, rolls her eyes as she casually swallows down a chocolate cookie.

“I’ve seen that playlist you keep listening to. No straight girl would go on a month-long binge of Hayley Kiyoko.”

Chaeyoung looks down at her phone, guiltily paused in the middle of “Pretty Girl”. She was hoping the language barrier and the limited popularity of a western artist would keep her in the clear.

“I could just really like her music.”

“You could, but you just confirmed that’s not the case, so. Spill.”

If someone had to find out about her, she’s glad it’s Jeongyeon. She’s not looking at her any differently than she did yesterday, or two months ago. She’s just being Jeongyeon, stuffing her face with sugar as she looks at her. Chaeyoung feels a wave of relief so strong her throat closes up and her eyes fill with tears.

“Oh, wait, no,” Jeongyeon says, mouth still full, as she walks her way around the counter and next to Chaeyoung, wrapping her arms around her and letting her rest her head on her chest.

Chaeyoung cries harder. Jeongyeon pats her head.

“Yah, it’s okay. Nothing bad is gonna happen, alright? I promise, I won’t tell.”

It takes her a few minutes and a couple of napkins to compose herself enough to form words. Jeongyeon returns to her seat, offers her the rest of her breakfast. Chaeyoung tries not to feel bad for accepting it.

“You don’t have to tell me who it is. I’m just letting you know, you can talk to me if you want to,” Jeongyeon says. Her eyes go from earnest to playful as she adds, “Fair warning: if it’s me, there’s a long line of suitors you need to get behind of…”

Chaeyoung aims a napkin-turned-tissue at her face, and is very glad when she hits the target.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she mumbles through a mouthful of cupcake. After a second’s hesitation, she confesses. “It’s Tzuyu.”

Jeongyeon doesn’t look surprised in the slightest.

“Mhm. I thought it might be.”

“It’s awful. She’s my best friend, except she can’t even be that because half the time I wanna kiss her and the other half I wanna yell at her,” the words spill from her lips of their own volition, and she’s thankful when Jeongyeon only quirks an eyebrow at the last part.

“Yell at her? For what?”

“I´m just so… angry.”

“Chaeng, it’s not her fault that you feel this way.”

“It _is_ her fault the way she keeps acting like she feels the same way!”

“What do you mean?”

Chaeyoung shrinks back in her seat, feeling her cheeks heat up with shame.

“Nothing. I don’t know. Sometimes… sometimes it feels like she knows and she’s just making fun of me,” it’s true, but it’s not something she ever would have admitted to herself.

Jeongyeon sits up straighter, brow furrowed, and the way she’s approaching this as if it were a wardrobe mishap or a petty argument over who gets to shower first is comforting. Like maybe this can be just as silly and easily solved.

“Chaeyoung, does that really sound like something Tzuyu would do?”

“…no.”

“I don’t think so either. Actually, wanna know what I think?” Chaeyoung nods begrudgingly. “I think Tzuyu is an isolated, curious teen. And you’re someone safe. Wouldn’t it make sense for her to maybe test her skills, or figure out what works and what doesn’t in a romantic situation?”

The burn in Chaeyoung’s nose warns her of a fresh batch of tears, and she manages to swallow them back. Because it does sound very likely. It also sounds very painful. Her hand comes up to play with a tear in the tablecloth.

“I guess.”

Jeongyeon’s hand reaches out to cover hers.

“I think the fairest thing you could do –for the both of you- is to step back a little. I’m not saying ignore her or anything like that, just don’t allow for opportunities that would make you feel worse, you know?”

Chaeyoung knows. She wishes she didn’t.

“Alright, then. Well, I’m already running late for an appointment, so,” the oldest says as she stands up and throws on her coat, “behave until I get back. I can tell the others you’re sick if you need some time alone,” Chaeyoung barely nods in acknowledgement.

A thought dawns on her as Jeongyeon walks away.

“Wait, Unnie, how did you know about Hayley-“ but the front door closes before she can even finish the question.

◊◊◊

Jeongyeon does tell everyone about an alleged headache, so Chaeyoung gets to lie down in her room all day with nothing but a few “feel better!” messages on her phone. In fact, it works so well that she doesn’t see Tzuyu until nighttime, when the maknae cautiously opens the door, big eyes scanning the room and mouth splitting into a grin when she finds her browsing through Netflix, looking perfectly fine. Chaeyoung immediately curses herself for not pretending to be asleep.

She offers monosyllabic answers to Tzuyu’s concerns about her and desperately tries to think of an excuse to get out of the room before any goodnight kisses can ensue.

“I’m- I’ll be in the kitchen. I have to, uh, write, you know. See if I can find some inspiration in the fridge magnets.”

Tzuyu nods at her and wishes her good luck. It’s not a complete lie, she’s even mentioned the random lyrics floating around in her phone to Tzuyu. It doesn’t lessen the pang of guilt she feels, and so she makes sure to actually sit down on a kitchen stool and pull up her notes.

Two hours later, she feels like tearing her hair out. The few lines she’s been able to write are contrived at best, and downright unusable at worst. She’s about to get up and return to her room when Jihyo’s voice nearly makes her jump out of her skin.

“You look like you’re about to have a mental breakdown.”

Yeah, Chaeyoung doesn’t doubt that.

The leader makes her way to the fridge, fills two glasses with water and hands one to Chaeyoung.

“What are you doing up this late?” she questions.

“I could be asking the same thing,” Chaeyoung shoots back, a little too defensive.

Jihyo points to her glass.

“I was thirsty.”

Chaeyoung clicks her tongue. There’s no reason to lie.

“I’m trying to write some song lyrics, and it’s not going well.”

Jihyo’s eyes light up.

“Really?” she reaches into the pocket of her sweatpants and turns on her phone. “I’ve been writing too, but I’m kinda stuck now. I was gonna ask you guys tomorrow if any of you would want to co-write with me.”

Chaeyoung tries her best to look excited.

“Yeah, sure. Let me see what you’ve got.”

Jihyo takes a seat next to her and together they go over their notes. The leader’s eyes zoom in on one part and Chaeyoung kind of wants to die, because she’s just now remembering a line she wrote a few days ago about men and her utter lack of interest in them.

“Uhh, that’s missing the last part, I was just about to fix it, actually-“

But Jihyo cuts her off right away, frown deepening.

“What’s this about mountains and elevators?”

And yeah, Chaeyoung definitely needs to work on her analogies.

**_October 18 th, 2016_ **

Chaeyoung’s life is a living hell, but at least it gets the job done.

Her days consist of waking up at outrageous hours of the morning (even on their off days) while Tzuyu is still fast asleep, making sure to avoid rooms where Tzuyu happens to be in at all costs (unless there’s at least two other members with them) and either getting to her bedroom early enough that she can pretend to sleep when Tzuyu walks in (in which case she has to ignore the younger girl tossing and turning above her head), or staying in the kitchen working on her writing (which usually translates into falling asleep on the couch, freezing until one of her unnies shows up to throw a blanket over her).

Tzuyu, for her part, spends a lot of time staring at her. Chaeyoung always refuses to meet her gaze, keeping her safe in her peripheral vision, left to imagine what her eyes might be holding. Curiosity? Pain? Their conversations border on normal whenever the other girls are around, but in the few moments that they’re inevitably left alone, Chaeyoung ignores Tzuyu’s attempts at initiating a conversation that goes any deeper than the weather or their schedules for the week and goes on with her day.

She can’t say it hasn’t taken a toll on her. They’re days away from their second comeback, but even the times she gets to have a full night’s sleep she wakes up already feeling exhausted for the day.

As far as she knows, the rest haven’t noticed. At least not any more than they have noticed the extra time she’s been spending with Dahyun, or the times she rests her head on Jeongyeon’s shoulder and doesn’t move for a while. For once, she’s grateful for their hectic schedules.

Until they start rehearsing the choreography, that is.

Thanks to some cruel, seemingly innocuous twist of fate, there’s a few seconds in which she has to face Tzuyu and do some cute gesture while making eye contact. Chaeyoung would much rather have Momo doing backflips on her head.

The first few times aren’t too horrible. She just looks at the floor or fixes her gaze on a spot over Tzuyu’s shoulder and it’s over before she can even think about it. The day is already drawing to a close and she thinks she has perfected the technique for when they have to do it on stage, when the song ends for the umpteenth time and instead of stopping to do her ending pose, Tzuyu bows her head so that her hair covers her face and briskly walks out of the practice room.

Nobody says anything. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before, one of them breaking down in the middle of a rehearsal or even refusing to practice in a fit of exhaustion. But it’s never been Tzuyu. Chaeyoung can feel the gaze of the other girls piercing her head, shame washing over her when all she can do is bite her lip and look away. Eventually, Nayeon clicks her tongue and runs after the maknae.

“Excuse me,” Chaeyoung gathers her things and heads back to the dorm without bothering to change her clothes.

She takes a shower as soon as she gets there, the longest she’s had in weeks, given that she lives with eight other girls and a jam-packed schedule. It only takes her five minutes to break down crying.

She’s fucked. There’s no point denying it. The others have surely caught on by now, even if all they know is that there’s something wrong between the maknaes. All it would take is for them to question one of them and then the lid would blow off; either Tzuyu will say something about how they were messing around until Chaeyoung got weird about it (which could drag Tzuyu down, too) or Chaeyoung won’t be able to make up a convincing lie for Tzuyu to play along.

She lets out a sob, grateful for her solitude. The water is starting to go cold and she’s running out of body parts to wash, but she can’t find the energy or motivation to move. The girls must be home already, which means she has all of thirty seconds after she gets out of the bathroom before somebody intercepts her.

Half an hour later, she runs straight to her room, eyes swollen and body shivering (if there was any doubt she was gonna get scolded, the cold water has gotten rid of it). She doesn’t realize the risk of Tzuyu being in their bedroom until she notes, with equal parts relief and sorrow, that she isn’t there. The others are moving about in the kitchen, she can hear them, but she figures it’s only a matter of time until Jihyo or Jeongyeon come to check on her.

There’s a knock on the door and she knows, when it opens before she can say anything, that she was wrong in her assumptions. It’s Nayeon. And she looks pissed.

“Hey,” Chaeyoung croaks out, but it’s useless. Nayeon just crosses her arms and stands by the door, blocking the only possible escape path.

“Look,” she says, sighing, and she’s never looked her age so much, “I’m not gonna pretend I know exactly what’s going on between you and Tzuyu. Not for a lack of trying, mind you, she’s just one tight-lipped girl. But I know enough. And I don’t think you mean to hurt her, but truth is that you are. So please, just… be honest and talk to her. Try to save us all as much pain as you can.”

Chaeyoung is having trouble figuring out what it is that Nayeon thinks she knows, because the look on her face certainly doesn’t depict _“you disgusting monster, why do you want to do that with your best friend, who is also a member of the group_ and _a girl?”_ or anything of the sort. She almost wants to laugh at the idea of a clueless Nayeon trying to help her out, unaware of what’s really going on.

Instead, she bites her lip and nods. “I’ll- I’ll fix this, Unnie. I promise.”

Nayeon considers her for an endless second.

“Alright. She was very upset, so I told her she could sleep in my bed tonight. The rest of us will be having a movie night, so… you should use that.”

“I will,” Nayeon has already turned to leave when Chaeyoung can’t help herself. “I’m really sorry.”

The girl shoots her a strange look, says “What for?” and disappears out the door.

Chaeyoung draws in a shaky breath and starts digging through her closet.

◊◊◊

An hour later, the dorm is eerily quiet. The lights are off, Chaeyoung notices as she drags her suitcase and herself out of her room, except for the blue glow of the TV in the living room. If she holds her breath, she’s pretty sure she can hear Nayeon’s faint snores muffled by voices too low to recognize what language they’re speaking.

There’s no-one in the hallways as she makes her way to Nayeon’s room, but warm light filters from underneath the door, most likely coming from that ridiculously ugly lamp Jeongyeon owns. No sound is coming from the inside.

Chaeyoung leans her suitcase against the wall next to the door and dabs at her face with a tissue. There are no cameras around, but she still can’t feel completely at ease when her eyes feel puffy with tears and her cheeks burn red. It doesn’t matter. Soon there will be no cameras at all for her.

She bites her lip and knocks on the door before she can talk herself out of it.

The door opens with a click and Tzuyu’s face appears, hesitantly squinting at Chaeyoung’s silhouette. She realizes with horror that Tzuyu also looks like she’s been crying.

“Hi,” is all that comes out of her mouth.

“Hi,” Tzuyu says back as she returns to her spot in Nayeon’s bed, leaving the door open in what Chaeyoung chooses to interpret as an invitation. She walks in and shuts it.

For a moment, neither say anything. It’s painful. She’s seen Tzuyu act this way hundreds of times: back tensed straight, hands clasped together tight and gaze lost somewhere else. But it’s never been directed at Chaeyoung.

“I came here to explain myself,” she forces out, before she gets anymore enraged at the situation. “And to apologize.”

Tzuyu’s gaze meets hers for a second. Her fingers twist as she nods.

Chaeyoung waits for the Earth to swallow her whole, or for a giant bird to pick her up by the hair and carry her all the way to Hawaii. Nothing happens.

“The reason,” she clutches her used tissue tighter, “the reason why I’ve been avoiding you lately is because… well, it was painful to be around you,” Tzuyu’s lower lip starts to tremble, and so does Chaeyoung’s voice. “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t handle it anymore. The way you looked at me, or how you kissed me, or, I dunno, even the emojis you sent me,” Tzuyu has turned away from her, and if seeing her face was bad enough, not seeing it is worse. The first tears start streaming down Chaeyoung’s face, but she’s determined to get it all out. She owes her –owes both of them- that much. “It was unbearable because it came so close to actually being with you, but at the same time I knew you were just playing pretend, and that eventually you’d get tired of messing around with me and you’d freak out, or you would start dating some guy, or do something else that would take you away from me, and I couldn’t- I couldn’t-“

She’s crying too hard to keep talking, chest wound so tight she can barely breathe and face so wet with tears her poor tissue doesn’t stand a chance, but it’s okay. She’s made her point.

Chaeyoung’s never been so terrified in her life. Not during Sixteen, not before any performance, not in any dangerous situation she’s recklessly gotten herself in. And she’s supposed to be prepared for this, damn it, she’s spent the better part of the day making up her mind. It seems there isn’t enough time in the world to prepare yourself to lose your career, your friends and the girl you’re in love with.

Finally, Tzuyu turns towards her. There are tears coating her face, too, but what gets to Chaeyoung is the look of utter confusion in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Chaeyoung repeats between sobs.

Tzuyu’s mouth opens and closes a couple times. At least she’s looking at her.

“Could you give me a second?”

Considering the only scenario Chaeyoung was expecting to face was instant screaming and disgusted shock, she’s dumbfounded. She nods and Tzuyu walks past her to leave the room. Chaeyoung sits on the nearest bed and buries her face in her hands, trying to calm down. If Tzuyu’s gone looking for their unnies, she wants to face them with dignity. She doesn’t need to apologize for being who she is, just for betraying Tzuyu’s friendship.

When she looks up, Tzuyu is back. There’s no screaming and no scandalized unnies trailing after her, and her eyes are lit up with something akin to excitement. Chaeyoung doesn’t notice the package in Tzuyu’s hands until she gestures for her to take it.

“It’s for you,” she says, sounding almost normal.

Now it’s her turn to look confused out of her mind. She hesitantly grabs the thing (gift? bomb?) and rips the purple wrapping paper. It’s a plain red notebook. She looks up at Tzuyu, but she just points to it again.

Convinced she somehow passed out in the last five minutes and is now hallucinating, Chaeyoung opens the notebook on the first page and is greeted with a picture of them both, sitting on the living room couch, arms wrapped around each other and Chaeyoung’s head carefully tucked under Tzuyu’s. Tzuyu looks smug at the camera while Chaeyoung has her eyes closed, which would explain why she doesn’t remember this photo being taken.

And this would be confusing enough without the note at the bottom of the page, in black ink and Tzuyu’s pretty handwriting, which reads _“Happy 1 st Anniversary.”_

“Wait, what.”

“It’s an anniversary gift,” Tzuyu says, as if Chaeyoung can’t read, which is fair enough because it could be written in German and she’d be just as perplexed.

“Yes.”

“Of our first kiss,” Tzuyu clarifies, cheeks blooming red. “It’s today. I’ve had the notebook for a while, but I wasn’t sure if you’d want it. Also, all of your things are gone. Are they in that suitcase outside?”

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung answers, because it’s the only part of what Tzuyu just said that her brain can process.

“Where are you going?”

“Back to my parents’ because I just told my co-member that I’m in love with her?” it doesn’t start as a question, but it quickly becomes one under the weight of Tzuyu’s incredulous stare.

“The same co-member you’ve been dating for like a year and who is also in love with you?”

Chaeyoung’s brain short-circuits.

“…we’re dating?”

“Well, now I’m not so sure. Nayeon said we are.”

“Nayeon? What does _she_ have to do with this?”

“I’ve been talking to her a little bit,” Tzuyu admits. “She said I already put myself out there and that the ball was in your court or something like that. And that after being exclusive for so long I should assume that we’re dating.”

Chaeyoung stands up, running a hand through her hair and feeling like her brain is just now beginning to catch up.

“But- I mean, we’ve only ever kissed,” she splutters as heat expands all the way down her neck and to her ears.

“I just thought we were taking things slow,” Tzuyu answers, blank.

Realizing this train of thought isn’t leading her anywhere, Chaeyoung clings to the next thing that happens to run through her head.

“You’re not gay.”

She can’t believe she’s trying to convince Tzuyu that they’re not, in fact, in a romantic relationship.

“Maybe not. I don’t care. I only care that I like _you_.”

This time she can’t help it: she bursts out laughing.

“You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not,” Tzuyu frowns, beginning to look a little offended.

“You have to be. Because if you’re not then it means that I’ve been pointlessly crying for months, taking advice from Jeongyeon of all people-“

“What does Jeongyeon have to do with this?”

“She was the one who told me I should push you away because you probably didn’t know what you were doing!”

They stand in silence, staring at each other. Eventually, the absurdity of the situation seems to dawn on Tzuyu, because she cracks a careful smile.

“At least we can agree on something.”

“And what’s that?”

“Next time we should probably go to Jihyo for help.”

They both laugh, the stormy tension from a minute ago now mere fog in the distance. Chaeyoung looks down at the notebook that she’s somehow managed to hold on to, flipping through the blank pages begging to be filled.

“No lines,” she observes. “Perfect for drawing.”

“Or careless writing.”

Chaeyoung looks at her _girlfriend_ , whose face is still somewhat blotchy but has never looked so perfect in her eyes. She hopes Tzuyu feels the same way.

“I didn’t get you anything,” Chaeyoung says, voice quiet, but it makes Tzuyu smile.

“Yeah, I figured,” she cups her face, leaning down to peck her lips. “It doesn’t matter. Happy anniversary, Chaeyoung-ie.”

“Happy anniversary to you, too,” Chaeyoung grins and then stands on the tip of her toes so she can properly kiss her girlfriend.

◊◊◊

Much later that night, they lie on Chaeyoung’s bed, exhausted from having to unpack all of her belongings.

“’ _I’m uninterested in men’?_ That’s my line?” Tzuyu’s incredulous voice is quickly followed by laughter. “Real subtle, Chaeng.”

Chaeyoung huffs, pretending to reach for the notebook in Tzuyu’s hands to copy the rest of the song, which was thankfully finished by Jihyo.

“You can’t take it from me! I was the one who gave it to you, I have a right to read all the love declarations you write in it!” Tzuyu squeals as she holds the notebook to her chest, effectively preventing Chaeyoung from taking it.

Unbothered, Chaeyoung smiles and snuggles up against her girlfriend.

“What can I say? I was going through a crisis. Not knowing I was actually dating you for like a year and all that.”

“Mmm. Do you think we should go tell Nayeon and Jeongyeon?”

“Nah. Let them figure it out on their own.”

**Author's Note:**

> You know the whole "they didn't realize they were dating" trope? I thought,,, how about *that*, but only one of them doesn't know? And that's how this mess was born, lol.
> 
> Please comment if you enjoyed the fic!
> 
> twitter: @mimoaning


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